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Page 1 of 2 On your own and dreading the future? Four WI members prove that contentment and self-fulfilment can come after bereavement once the initial challenges have been faced.
Friendly customers filled the voidJoan Arran, North Ferriby WI, East Yorkshire recalls her sojourn as 'Ye Olde Post Mistress'We had our retirement all planned. First we bought a static caravan in the grounds of a stately home for a carefree lifestyle, then came holidays abroad, concerts and meals out - you name it and it was on our 'to do' list. Life was fantastic for four wonderful years before Alzheimers and finally pneumonia took my dear man from me. So it was just me, retired and no one to share the hard-earned goodies with. My daughter heard of a rural village shop and post office becoming vacant with only the business and fittings to buy. "Why not?" I thought. I rented my own house and after vetting and training by the post office I found myself in an ancient shop with living accommodation. I was now in business. Among the 'fittings' was an old chair that looked very dog-eared. I was going to throw it away but I saw that my customers used it constantly. One very special lady would call in every morning and afternoon, sit herself on the chair and say, "I'll keep anybody talking while you run to the bathroom." That was real thoughtfulness and very welcome. Customers soon became friends. Schoolchildren would visit. I would ask them if they could guess how old the shop was and when I told them 250 years old, one asked me wide-eyed: "Have you lived here all that time?" To help boost trade I put chairs, tables and parasols in the front garden and tried my hand at weekend refreshments and ice-creams as families came for walks around the village and its pond. Holiday-makers, particularly cyclists from the Continent, arriving at Hull Ferries used the shop and refreshments as their first stop on their way north or their final stop before going home. Many photos have been taken of 'Ye Old Post Office' complete with 'Ye Olde Post Mistress'! But time went by and I wasn't getting any younger. My decision to leave coincided with a feature on local radio about rural post office closures and a reporter came to talk to me. There was even a feature in the local paper, which resulted in lots of people interested in taking over the business. I left, knowing I had made many friends and the memories of my village shop life will remain with me always. Rules for survival After her husband's death, Julia Norton of Wraxall WI drew up some resolutions to help her cope At the time of my husband David's diagnosis I said I wanted to keep my job as I felt I would need a reason to get up in the morning. My husband and children supported me in this and my job has been a great help to me since his death in 2004. When he died, I made five resolutions, which I believe helped me then and are still helping me: I will not make any major changes in my life for two years. I am so glad I didn't move house. Strangely our home is a great source of comfort and stability. So much has changed but our home together remains, like a security blanket. All those around me know my circumstances and this means I do not constantly have to explain why I am on my own, bringing all the sadness of the death and early bereavement to the forefront of my memory. I will open the post each day. I learned that sealed envelopes can look much worse than the contents actually are. I opened them and I replied daily to the emails relating to my husband's business, which had to be sold. I will not go down the road of 'what if?' Far better to be positive and try to work out what I can do now. I will not allow myself to think bitter or angry thoughts. I am learning to accept that I can still laugh and that it is not wrong to be happy. In fact, I am actually quite content with my lot and have much to be grateful for. I will find something to do in life I could not have done had David lived. I had been thinking of joining the WI for years, but just didn't have the space in my life to do so. Through it I have made new friends and found a host of new ideas for the future. I am putting more effort into my membership of the local Horticultural Society and actually managed to win first prize for my begonia in the spring show. I should like to meet other widows of my own age (55) but I imagine I will in due course. Return invitationsMaking an effort can alleviate some of the distress of widowhood, says Bosham WI member, Angela Bromley-Martin My hospitable neighbours would invite me in for tea or coffee or a kitchen supper, but I knew I had to reciprocate or the invitations would stop coming. I started very simply by having soup and pâté lunches, inviting just two people at first, then four. I made the preparations as simple as possible with par-baked French bread and homemade soup out of the freezer, a little cheese, tomatoes and lettuce, fruit juice and wine. |
