It is one of the great contradictions of ageing that as life goes on, we become more comfortable with who we are, but we lose the wonderful fearlessness of youth. The unshakeable belief that all will be well and everything is possible can fade over the years and suddenly the things we took in our stride at 25 seem distressingly insurmountable.

For many of us, it is simply true that as we age, we begin to worry about things more: the future, our health, friends and family, even the state of the planet. At a time when we should be enjoying life and the opportunities it gives us as much as we can, it is all too often the case that we are disabled by fear, crippled by worry and held back by uncertainty.

“It was only after I got divorced at 45 that I began to feel scared of the future,” admits Susan, now 51. “I’d always been quite a carefree person, but the divorce shook my foundations and I developed a fear of doing anything alone, including staying in the house overnight”.

Alicia, 47, experienced a similar crisis when her son left to go to university. “Now I had a whole new set of worries: would he look after himself, would he be homesick? The lack of control was a shock. Over the first term, the stress seemed to affect my whole life and the world became a frightening place. It was ironic given that I hadn’t worried anywhere near as much when he was a baby!” she admits.

Frightening hurdles

What Susan and Alicia experienced is a classic fear response. “It affects everyone at one time or another, but grows stronger as we get older,” explains psychotherapist Taylor Glenn. “Resilience fades and trepidation grows, partly as a result of the things we’ve seen and experienced in life, but also because we become lazy about challenging ourselves to try new things.”

The classes we would have joined with enthusiasm in our 20s now seem a frightening social hurdle. Skills that have always eluded us – swimming, driving, account-keeping – appear to be more out of our grasp than ever. Achievements, such as holidaying alone or switching to a different career, can feel like the stuff of fairytale.

The trick is to check your thinking and re-programme the fear response. In the late 1980s, when American psychologist Susan Jeffers wrote her pioneering self-help book Feel The Fear and Do it Anyway, she made a groundbreaking connection: that when we feel fear (in all but lifethreatening situations), it is usually a misconception.

What she means is that we are afraid of fear itself and it is that exact type of ‘faulty thinking’ that warps our judgment, telling us we ‘can’t’ or ‘shouldn’t’ do something. Nothing is ever as bad as you think it is going to be, so the secret is to replace the fear with focus and determination. As Susan says: “Fear is only what you make it.”

Accentuate the positive

Hypnotherapist and neurolinguistic programming expert, Victoria Wills, teaches that the best way to fi ght fear is to focus on all the things that you like about yourself, so your self-confi dence is always strong enough to carry you forward.

“Make a list of your attributes and keep adding to it, whether it be your great smile, your glossy hair, your friendly personality or your trusting nature,” she counsels. “Really think about everything that makes you a fantastic person – from your physical attributes to your inner characteristics. Also think back to all the great comments you’ve had in the past, from compliments on your appearance to positive remarks on your skills, and make a note of them.”

Victoria believes that courage comes from self-belief: something you can build on every day. “Try this quick visualisation exercise every morning to help you focus on the positives and build your confi dence, so you feel prepared to deal with every situation, from an exam to a bungee jump. Close your eyes and focus on your breathing. Picture yourself looking fantastic and on your way to a friend’s party, a job interview or any occasion that had previously left you feeling anxious.

“Now begin to feel confidence filling your body from your feet up to your head – like a glass being fi lled with water. Picture yourself at the event and notice the great way that people react to you when you act this way. People are drawn to you and you are enjoying meeting new people and experiencing new challenges. You should feel an amazing sense of calm and relief by the time you open your eyes.”

Fear of failure

But what if your fears are grounded in terrible past experiences? Perhaps an accident that left you scared of exercise, or a heartbreaking split that made you wary of dating again.

“We’ve all had disasters, but it’s the resulting perceived ‘failure’ that leads us to expect that the same thing will happen the next time, when in reality it’s very unlikely to,” advises psychologist James Brook.

How, then, can we quieten these feelings of self-doubt? “Amplify your inner voices of strength, and your self-criticism will be overpowered,” he promises, “and tell yourself that anything is possible for you.”

Start by identifying your fear and write it down: meeting new people, building a life outside your family, returning to work, starting your own business... whatever it may be. Motivational expert Brian Mayne, author of positive thinking book Self Mapping, says that the next step is to: “Rewrite that fear as a goal. For example, if you wrote down your fear as ‘speaking in public’, turn it into something specific to aim for, and rewrite it as ‘giving a talk at my next WI meeting’.  is helps to crystallise positive thoughts in your mind, and turns fear into a project to be tackled and beaten.

“Write those goals on sticky notes and put them up around the house, where you can see them every day,” he continues. “Draw pictures next to each goal to reinforce the message, and write words and feelings next to it to help you focus on how you will feel when you finally achieve it. For example, ‘delivering that speech in public will make me feel proud, intelligent, dependable and uplifted.’” 

This is called ‘self-mapping’, and the technique can help you to identify the attitudes and skills that will put your fears into retreat.

Ultimately, of course, triumphing over anxiety and selfdoubt is a lifelong task, and it can really help to acknowledge it for what it is: a noble and worthwhile work-in-progress.

It is natural to feel worried about trying new things as we move out of our confi dent youth and become buff eted by life, and it is much easier to let fears and worries take hold than to gather our courage and confront them. But confront them we must, because making the most of opportunities and tackling challenges are both key elements in staying vital and squeezing every drop of fun out of life.

When fears run rampage and those little voices in our head say ‘can’t’ rather than ‘can’, take heart from the famous mountaineer, Sir Edmund Hillary, the fi rst man to reach the summit of Everest. “It is not the mountain we conquer,” he said, “but ourselves.”

Scared of riding in middle age

“After a typical pre-adolescent horse obsession, I returned to riding in middle age when my own daughter became interested. But I found I had an irrational fear of crossing any obstacle in the horse’s path. Even walking over a pole on the ground brought me out in a muck sweat.

“My early attempts were met with a series of disasters: I once ended up in A&E with my neck in an agonising spasm as a result of all the tension and anxiety. People would assure me there was no need to persevere, but something drove me to return to struggle with what others seemed able to do effortlessly.

“My instructor devised a programme to build up my confi dence and gradually increase my comfort zone. It took two years but now I can ride the horse around a course of jumps. Every time the jumps are raised in height the familiar nausea returns, but the sense of achievement and progress I feel is more than enough compensation. The whole experience has given me a sense of general empowerment.” Hannah Whitworth, 55

Learning to drive at 40

“By the time I was 40, I had a family, house and career. But driving had somehow always eluded me. I’d struggled with lessons when I was young but never sat a test and eventually gave up. I soldiered on without being able to drive, but when I saw 40 looming, I suddenly became Scarlett O’Hara-like and vowed it would not beat me!

“I bought myself a little car, found a patient instructor and took driving lessons. And even though I was scared, the turning point came when I realised I had to get over my own ego and work hard. It was humbling to have to fight for something. I took my fi rst test at 40 and failed, so I booked in straight away for another, and two weeks later I passed. The sense of personal achievement was immense – and liberating too. I felt so proud of myself, I wrote a book on the subject – The Girls’ Guide To Losing Your L Plates.” Maria McCarthy, 44

Break the cycle of fear

Each spring, the Mental Health Foundation campaigns on some aspect of mental health. In 2009 it aimed to raise awareness about the impact that fear and anxiety can have on our lives. Fear and anxiety are a natural, temporary response to threats or thoughts that something bad might happen. But sometimes they last too long, taking over your life, affecting your ability to eat, sleep, concentrate, travel, enjoy life, leave the house, even to go to work or school. The Mental Health Foundation says that although it can be hard to break the cycle, there are ways to do it: help is available and you don’t need to suffer in silence.

Find out more…

• Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway by Susan Jeffers (Vermilion, £6.99);
• Instant Confi dence by Paul McKenna (Bantam Press, £10.99);
• Self Mapping: How to awaken to your true self by Brian Mayne (Watkins Publishing, £10.99);
• Self Help for Your Nerves: Learn to relax and enjoy life again by overcoming stress and fear by Claire Weekes (Thorsons, £7.99);
• Find out how to overcome fear & anxiety at www.mentalhealth.org.uk Reg. Charity no. 801130 (England), SC 039714 (Scotland) 
• To order an informative free booklet, or to download it, visit www.mhf.org.uk/campaigns/mental-health-action-week-2009/