Health
Age is no barrier Print E-mail
Written by Janice Langley, 2009   
Janice Langley revisited the whole subject of sexual relationships for older people when she was asked to write and present short video clips on aspects of sex for the Sky Learning website.

The WI has never shied away from discussing sexual health matters and now that we have an ageing but still healthy population, this is a good time to revisit some of the topics in Women's Health.

In 1922 the WI passed a resolution urging free confidential treatment of venereal disease; a full free family planning service was demanded in 1972 and in 1986 we asked the government to inform the British public about the true facts concerning AIDS.

Those are serious issues surrounding sex, which are still pertinent today, although in most respects we can be thankful that a more open-minded attitude has prevailed - to the point where some might say we have gone too far the other way.
 
Information surrounding sexual relationships and the dangers of unprotected sex is readily available for young people, but it seems the older generation needs to be informed too.

Around the time I was asked to present the WI guide on sexual health for the partnership between Sky and the WI*, I happened to read an article that said that a study in the West Midlands had concluded that sexually transmitted infections among the over-45s is on the increase. It led me to think about the reasons that more people over 45 are contracting these infections. These are a few of them:

  • Older people are now more likely to be single and undergoing relationship changes such as divorce, separation and widowhood.
  • Men are now being sexually active longer due the use of drugs to treat erectile dysfunction.
  • We are travelling more internationally, increasingly engaging in unprotected sex, thinking that condoms are for contraception and not realising that we need them just as much for protection against sexually transmitted diseases (STDs).
  • With Internet dating on the rise and an increase in relationships involving young/old, homosexual/heterosexual, sexual risk-taking behaviour is not just confined to the young. Older people are staying sexually active longer and are, therefore, more at risk of contracting an STD.
We all need to be aware and not think, "This has nothing to do with me." Being sexually intimate leads to infection spreading from one person to another. If left untreated, STDs can cause infertility and permanently damage your health.

Anyone can get an infection from unprotected sex with someone who is already infected. This person may not even know they're infected as the infection can be dormant in the body and show no symptoms. The simple way to avoid infection is to use a condom.

Getting help

What do you do if you think you may have an infection or if you are starting a new relationship, renewing an old relationship or just want to make sure you don't already have an infection? What if you find you have an infection?

If spotted early enough these can be treated, and this includes HIV/AIDS. There is also a vaccination available to protect you from hepatitis A and B if you think you might be at risk of getting this infection.

You can find your nearest genito-urinary medicine (GUM) clinic in the phone book. You can just walk in or make an appointment. Staff there treat all information in total confidence - they don't even tell your GP without your permission. You get free confidential advice and treatment anywhere in the country - you don't have to go to your local clinic.

Gone off sex?

Most relationships go through a phase where one or both partners go off sex and sometimes it is difficult to get back on track and get back to having a regular satisfying relationship if sex has stopped.

You may need to think about why you feel this way: is it illness, stress, tiredness, children or a whole host of other things? Whatever the causes, they need to be addressed and a way found to sort out the root cause.

Erectile dysfunction and dysparunia (painful intercourse) are two reasons why sexual activity may cease. Most men at some time have a problem with getting and maintaining an erection and for most this is a minor inconvenience that is quickly rectified. If the problem persists, however, you may need to seek help from your GP.

Painful intercourse is more common in women than in men, and probably most women will suffer some discomfort at some time.

In the majority of cases, painful intercourse is due to lack of sexual arousal, but it is easy to get caught up in a vicious circle where the fear of the pain prevents sexual arousal and lack of arousal leads to no lubrication, which in turn leads to pain.

Some women experience pain on intercourse when there is hormonal imbalance - during the menopause, for example. This can be treated and a vaginal lubricant can be used to alleviate the problem.

It is important for both men and women not to be embarrassed about seeing a doctor if these problems persist. There may be an underlying physical cause that needs to be treated. And there are effective treatments available.

Relationships

Sex is not just for the young and beautiful, it is for everyone: many couples are together for 30, 40, 50 years and are still enjoying a good sex life.

Relationships are highly complex and our lives are continually changing - we need to adjust to marriage or living together, pregnancy and babies, the frustration and joy of teenagers in the house, elderly parents who need attention and time.

But your relationship also needs some care and attention - it is easy to get into a rut but there are things you can do about it.

Start with the little things - when was the last time you gave each other a goodbye kiss in the morning and a welcome home smile and a hug in the evening? We all have to make an effort to keep a relationship nurtured and healthy, and this goes for both partners. 
 
A sexual relationship changes over time to the point where it can become boring and predictable. But to be great, sex doesn't have to be spontaneous: set aside time for the two of you, send the children to stay with Granny for the night, get someone to sit with Granny if she needs constant attention, take time out during the day - your lunch hour or when the children are at school.

Long-term sexual relationships need not be boring and unexciting. You should take pleasure in knowing and understanding each other, allow yourself to be sexy and sensual now that you have nothing to prove and you are not being judged.

Disability

A sudden or gradual lack of mobility can mean you have to make changes and look at things differently. There is often a lot of practical help available to make adjustments to your living arrangements, to cope with mobility problems etc., but advice on how to get back your sexual relationship may not be as forthcoming.

With major disabilities you may have to work out a whole new way of love-making but it isn't impossible: virtually nobody is too disabled to have some pleasure from sexuality: everyone needs tenderness and contact. Touching, kissing, stroking, gentle massage, finding pleasure in simple gestures are all ways to give and receive love.

Sometimes only minor adjustments need to be made, sometimes there is some anxiety around resuming sexual activity after surgery or a heart attack, for example - simple things like needing to leave the light on so that you can see what is going on or having to change the position from one you would previously have used. Naturally pain, too, can be a huge turn-off.

Preparation becomes important, spontaneity much less so, so prepare yourself and the room in good time. Make sure the room is warm and comfortable, have a warm relaxing bath, take some medication for the pain and allow enough time for it to start to work; allow time to be sensual and find the sexual position that is most comfortable.

If preparation is important, so is communication. Talk to your partner, ask for what you want, tell each other what feels good and explore ways of making it even better. This goes for everyone, including those living with a disability, chronic illness or chronic pain.

Where to go for help

Janice Langley is a NFWI Trustee and a former counsellor and sex therapist. To support the campaign between Sky and WI to promote learning at whatever age, she was asked to present four short online video clips on sexual health.

* This information is available online to download from the Sky Learning website.
 
[ Back ]